People who make others happy are more in tune with others and are typically perceived as agreeable, helpful, and kind, but they struggle to stand up for themselves, according to Dr. Elaine Hendricksen, a clinical psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Disorders. This might develop to a dangerous pattern of self-immolation or self-neglect.
Hendricksen goes on to say that persons who pursue other people’s happiness at the price of their own emotional well-being risk the following consequences:
Dr. Ellen highlights some of the most crucial reasons why these people participate in this sort of conduct.
Low self-esteem: People who devote their lives to making others happy require external reinforcement due to a lack of self-confidence.
Insecurity: People may attempt to please others because they are afraid of losing other people’s love if they do not go to tremendous efforts to please them.
Seeking perfection: People sometimes want everything to be flawless, including what other people think of them and how they feel about them.
Painful or painful events in the past may play a part in striving to satisfy people in order to prevent provoking abusive behaviour in others. Clinical psychologist and mental health expert David Sussman, on the other hand, identifies the indicators of over-pleasing others:
Difficulty saying no and feeling guilty when declining a request Concern about what others may think Accepting things we don’t like or engaging in unpleasant behaviour Excessive remorse and a slew of justifications Accepting responsibility even when others are at fault. Neglecting one’s own needs in order to care for others. Pretending to get along with people even though it is against their true feelings.
Suggestions for avoiding “spontaneous combustion”
Fortunately, Dr. Sussman advises various methods to balance the urge to make others happy, the most significant of which are:
Establishing healthy limits.
– We must specify and define the issues we are ready to bear, especially with the most demanding people, in a way that does not go beyond the scope of our abilities to assist.
Alter your typical behaviour.
To build greater self-confidence and regain control of our life, it is essential to begin with little actions, such as abstaining from making small demands.
Wait before committing to others.
Saying “yes” straight away might feel obliged, but taking the time to react to a request to assess it before making a choice to accept it is quite useful, so ask these questions:
How much time will this take? Is this something I truly want to do? Is this something I have time to do? How scared would I be if I answered “Yes”?
Avoid making excuses and justifications.
When rejecting something, experts define “no” as a comprehensive phrase with a forceful tone, resisting the impulse to offer explanations and adding extraneous information that might make a decision undoable.
We do not have to abandon the virtues of compassion, generosity, and goodwill that may contribute to solid and enduring relationships; nevertheless, the key is to check reasons and intentions, which should not be motivated by fear or worry.
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